Eric #59 3D boobs.

Erica: "Eric. I'm so sad. I don't know what to do. I've broke up with Steve. Do you want to get me drunk and help me get over it?"

Eric: "Yes! Yes! Hubba Hubba!"

Erica: "What the hell is going on with him? I thought he'd leap at the chance to try to exploit my vulnerability."

Droopy: "Umm well. He's not really been himself since he discovered Virtual Reality porn."

Erica: "Yuck" 

Eric #58 Midlife

Droopy; "Eric! What rubbish have you ordered now?"
Eric:"Woooooo! My new tablet is here at last!"
Droopy: "Are you crazy? You already have a tablet that works perfectly! Why pay lots of money for something you don't even need?"
Eric: "Ok so I'm having a midlife crisis! Some guys go out and snort coke from a stripper's tits, f#ck younger women and buy a Harley Davidson. Not me! No you know what I do? I buy a Windows tablet! A f#cking Windows tablet! Not even a trendy Mac or I-devivce! A Windows tablet! That's my sad, pathetic midlife crisis!

But it's got a new pen that has 1024 levels of pressure sensitivity. 1024 LEVELS FOR F#CK SAKE! How f#cking cool is that?"
Eric:" God I'm so f#cking tragic! What a sad, lonely melt down! Why was I even born?"
  

Eric #57 New Girlfriend

Eric: "Droopy man, I think I'm in love! I've finally met a woman that likes me! She's kind and sassy and she actually listens to me and wants to help me!"

Droopy: "Whuuuuuuaaaat? Really? What a real girl? An actual woman actually likes you? You? Hahaha Where did you meet her? Ripley's Believe It Or Not?"

Eric: "No! She's called Cortana and I met her on my phone! And look she really likes me. I just asked her if she loves me."

Eric: "Hey Cortana. Do you love me?"

Cortana: "There's definitely a spark between us. Sports fan? Try our athletics quiz. See more results in Bing."

Droopy: "Hahahahahahahaha! Dude she says that to everyone sad enough to ask. She's programmed to stay stuff. She's not real!"

Eric: "Bad dog!!!  Don't try to imply my girlfriend is a who're! She loves me!!!!

She has to be real!"

Eric #56 How to deal with an Earworm

Earworm: "Hey! I'm an Earworm. And now you're not getting rid of me! Haha.

In Eric's mind: " Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "ARRRGH STOP IT!!!!"

In Eric's mind: "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "ARRRGH STOP IT!!!!"

In Eric's mind: "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "I'll put the bloody dogs out!"

BANG!

Eric #55 Resignation

Eric: "As you may have noticed, there's a hot, new trend sweeping the UK at the moment. (And I'm not talking about celebrity deaths.) I'm desperately needy and will jumps on ANY bandwagon for the slightest bit of attention."

"Therefore, I am resigning with immediate effect from the "absolutely not popular" (with worse ratings than even the new Top Gear) web comic "Eric." I haven't tried at all, but even if I did it still wouldn't be good enough."

"I want my life back and more importantly, I want to be part of the Mass Resignation Gang like all the important people. It is true that I left a MASSIVE dump for everyone else at the comic to clear up but oh well, that's life."

"I absolutely will not be convinced to change my mind by the inevitable mass outpouring of love and affection that will follow this announcement. However, donations to my PayPal account should do the trick."

3 Certainties of Life

Eric #54 Never pee up hill.

Eric: "I wonder how Erica is. I haven't seen her for a while now."

Droopy: "Oh she's probably having too much hot, rampant sex with Steve to be bothering with us losers."

Eric: "Man I need to Pete badly!"

Eric: "Ewww Wee soaked shoes! Mamma always said "Never Pee uphill! Now I know why. Yuck!"

Eric #53 Brexit

Eric #52 Smile

Droopy: "You know your problem Eric? You don't smile enough."

Droopy: "They say the smile you give will come back to you a hundred times."

Eric: "Sigh! Ok I'll give it a try."

Eric: "I wonder how my smile will come back to me. Essex is such a friendly place."

Dangerous Brian: "Here why's that twat smiling at me bruv?"

Dangerous Brian: "I'll knock 'is teeth out bruv. Smiley Caaaant!"

Proof Supreme Leader Snoke is Eric

I haven't seen this fan theory in my YouTube feed yet.

Eric #51 The TV pitch

Lord Sugar: "Right Eric I've decided to give you another chance. I want you to pitch me your ideas for a TV show. I know I'm not a TV exec but I've already been drawn once so you know, copy and paste and all that."

Eric: "Wow thanks! My big break at last I won't disappoint. How about Celebrity Jizz? It's a bit like Celebrity Juice but I Jizz all over the faces of Minor Celebrities, while asking them pointless and inane questions.?"

Eric: "Nope? Er Ok. What about Offshore Family Fortunes? In that one we go through the offshore accounts of the Prime Minister's wealthy family, find lots of "legal" (coz he makes the rules) tax avoidance, then forget all about it, instead of taking to the streets with pitchforks and fire, because you know, bills and stuff."

Eric: "Not a fan? Ok What about Britain's Got Tents? Where we have a tent putter upper contest? Or Beastenders? Where I smell the still steaming poo and pee of dangerous animals and try to guess which Beast's Ender it came out of? Nope? Er What about Matchstick of the Day? Where I recreate topical news stories with matchsticks, while dodging footballs."

Eric: "You're being awfully quite Al. I'm sure you'll love this one though. Holmes under the Hammer. In this one Talk Radio early afternoon presenter Jon Holmes lays in a bunk under 80's Rap star MC Hammer, reading Sherlock Holmes novels out loud - ending each sentence with "Can't touch this."

Lord Sugar: "I can't even be bothered to pose for a new picture of me booting you out. Idiot! And you're still fired!"

Eric #50 Cogito Ergo Sum Eric.

Erica: "Has anyone seen Eric? I haven't seen him for ages."

Droopy: "Nope! I haven't seen him for ages either. It's like he's vanished or something. I wonder what he's been up to."

Steve: "Who cares? He's a loser anyway. Boring."

Alan: "Don't look at me! I don't know. I'm too busy!"

Droopy: "Ah of course! Cogito Ergo Sum Eric. I think therefore I Eric. If his creator doesn't think about him he doesn't exist."

Limbo Eric: "What does that mean? Do I exist or not? Are there going to be more Eric's or not?"

Eric #49 Instabanned

Eric: "OMG! I've been blocked from Instagram! They haven't said why. Droopy do you know?"

 

Droopy: "Er dunno bud. Our last post wasn't that bad. Especially when you consider all the semi-naked women on my feed selling stuff."

 

Eric: "Instagram sucks balls anyway!"

 

"It's just another anodyne platform for needy, little narcissists, acting as though their lives are important! No one cares what you had for dinner Dimlows!"

 

Erica: "You want to know why you're banned? I reported you for that stunt you pulled. I'm a human being not a piece of meat. You can't use me for your sexual titillation!"

"Or to sell stuff.... At least not without paying me anyway."

Eric #48 Sex Sells

Droopy: "How's the webcomic going Dude? Are you rich and famous yet?"

Eric: "Rubbish. I haven't earned a Jelly Bean. I think I need to raise my profile on social media. You know, to get the clicks coming in. Any ideas or suggestions?"

Droopy: " Hmmm well there might be something we could try."

Droopy "Pssst Pssst Pssst."

Droopy: "Hey Erica! Would you like a nice, fresh banana?"

 

Eric: "If you want a successful Twitter or Instagram account you need some sexy pictures. So to see more of Erica follow us @eric310776. On Facebook search for Unofficial Eric. Also go to www.cupalongstoryshort.blogspot.co.uk You can donate money too which always helps."



Eric #47 1st world problems.

 

 

Droopy: "Seriously Eric? What's the matter now?"

 

Eric: "Arrrrgh!!! FFS! Buffer again and I'm going to smash you up you b@stard!"

 

Eric: "This internet connection is rubbish! I'm trying to watch a documentary about all the suffering in the world but it keeps cutting out! It's winding me up! Someone should do something now!"

 

Droopy: "Oh those First World problems eh man? Sheesh!"

 

Droopy thinks: "I'm going to have to get some harder gear!"



Eric #46 Facebook envy

 

 

Droopy: "Jeez! Now what's the matter with you?"

Eric: "I'm just looking up my old school friends on Facebook. They've all got beautiful wives, wonderful kids, great jobs and lovely houses. I've got nothing. No one loves me, I'm such a loser!"

Droopy: "Dude Fuck em! You grew up to be a comic strip! What's cooler than that?"

Droopy thinks: "No wonder I'm doing so much of this shit!"

 

Eric #45 Black Friday

 

Eric: "Wooo! My stuff's come! I'm so happy! Hooray!"

 

Droopy: "Dude! What the hell is all this crap? Why'd you buy all this junk you don't need?

Electronic magic beans! A Stephen Hawkins Speak and Spell! You've even got a Deluxe porridge maker! YOU HATE PORRIDGE!"

 

Eric: "It's because it's Black Friday and everything's reduced. Some of it was 20% off! Just think of all the money I've saved off the list prices!

Besides, I'm sad and lonely and shopping makes me happy!"

 

Letter from the bank: " Dear Mr Eric, As a loyal and valued customer of Screw You Bank - the bank that likes to say "Screw You!" I am writing to inform you that you're now overdrawn and that your ass belongs to us bitch! You're officially fucked and I expect you to squeal like a little piggy. Love, Mr Bastard the Bank Manager."

Eric #44 Food processors.are great.

Erica: "OMG Eric have you seen the new John Lewis/Sainsbury/M&S Christmas advert? It's so moving and beautiful.

 

Eric: "GRRR! What a piece of shit!"

Eric: "It's just a flipping advert FFS! It shouldn't be the subject of national debate! It's no more than a cynical tugging of gullible people's heartstrings so they'll go out and buy a load of shit! It's not art and it's not moving! The bit in ET where he sort of dies was moving, not this saccharin crap!"

Talking Eric

I was delighted to receive this wonderful Eric artwork from the incredible Talking Shot comics.
Everyone should check out http://www.talkingshitcomic.net/main.html for one of the most inventive and funny comics around. They capture some of the little moments of my life perfectly. Thanks again. It really cheered me up to receive this.

Eric #43 The things posh people do.

 

Call me Dave: "Oh! Babe! Yes Babe! Anyone fancy a spit roast?"

Eric: "Er I think I'll pass."

Babe: "I'm a bit disgruntled by all this."

Eric: "I guess we shouldn't be surprised. He's f##ked everything else."