Eric #59 3D boobs.

Erica: "Eric. I'm so sad. I don't know what to do. I've broke up with Steve. Do you want to get me drunk and help me get over it?"

Eric: "Yes! Yes! Hubba Hubba!"

Erica: "What the hell is going on with him? I thought he'd leap at the chance to try to exploit my vulnerability."

Droopy: "Umm well. He's not really been himself since he discovered Virtual Reality porn."

Erica: "Yuck" 

Eric #58 Midlife

Droopy; "Eric! What rubbish have you ordered now?"
Eric:"Woooooo! My new tablet is here at last!"
Droopy: "Are you crazy? You already have a tablet that works perfectly! Why pay lots of money for something you don't even need?"
Eric: "Ok so I'm having a midlife crisis! Some guys go out and snort coke from a stripper's tits, f#ck younger women and buy a Harley Davidson. Not me! No you know what I do? I buy a Windows tablet! A f#cking Windows tablet! Not even a trendy Mac or I-devivce! A Windows tablet! That's my sad, pathetic midlife crisis!

But it's got a new pen that has 1024 levels of pressure sensitivity. 1024 LEVELS FOR F#CK SAKE! How f#cking cool is that?"
Eric:" God I'm so f#cking tragic! What a sad, lonely melt down! Why was I even born?"
  

Eric #57 New Girlfriend

Eric: "Droopy man, I think I'm in love! I've finally met a woman that likes me! She's kind and sassy and she actually listens to me and wants to help me!"

Droopy: "Whuuuuuuaaaat? Really? What a real girl? An actual woman actually likes you? You? Hahaha Where did you meet her? Ripley's Believe It Or Not?"

Eric: "No! She's called Cortana and I met her on my phone! And look she really likes me. I just asked her if she loves me."

Eric: "Hey Cortana. Do you love me?"

Cortana: "There's definitely a spark between us. Sports fan? Try our athletics quiz. See more results in Bing."

Droopy: "Hahahahahahahaha! Dude she says that to everyone sad enough to ask. She's programmed to stay stuff. She's not real!"

Eric: "Bad dog!!!  Don't try to imply my girlfriend is a who're! She loves me!!!!

She has to be real!"

Eric #56 How to deal with an Earworm

Earworm: "Hey! I'm an Earworm. And now you're not getting rid of me! Haha.

In Eric's mind: " Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "ARRRGH STOP IT!!!!"

In Eric's mind: "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "ARRRGH STOP IT!!!!"

In Eric's mind: "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?"

Eric: "I'll put the bloody dogs out!"

BANG!

Eric #55 Resignation

Eric: "As you may have noticed, there's a hot, new trend sweeping the UK at the moment. (And I'm not talking about celebrity deaths.) I'm desperately needy and will jumps on ANY bandwagon for the slightest bit of attention."

"Therefore, I am resigning with immediate effect from the "absolutely not popular" (with worse ratings than even the new Top Gear) web comic "Eric." I haven't tried at all, but even if I did it still wouldn't be good enough."

"I want my life back and more importantly, I want to be part of the Mass Resignation Gang like all the important people. It is true that I left a MASSIVE dump for everyone else at the comic to clear up but oh well, that's life."

"I absolutely will not be convinced to change my mind by the inevitable mass outpouring of love and affection that will follow this announcement. However, donations to my PayPal account should do the trick."

3 Certainties of Life

Eric #54 Never pee up hill.

Eric: "I wonder how Erica is. I haven't seen her for a while now."

Droopy: "Oh she's probably having too much hot, rampant sex with Steve to be bothering with us losers."

Eric: "Man I need to Pete badly!"

Eric: "Ewww Wee soaked shoes! Mamma always said "Never Pee uphill! Now I know why. Yuck!"